Don’t stop believing

April 29th Thank you for all the kind words ❤️ For many people, illnesses are not to be celebrated but still yesterday was a reminder to us of the the life we wanted and the hand of cards we were dealt. It’s has never just been me being ill, this inflicted pain and h**** on all of our family. Made the kinds grow up way faster than intented, filled the true love of my life with utter frustration; I was something that he, The Mater og Solutions, could not fix. Illness can tear you apart or it can make you stronger, we did not know which truth would be ours, but I am thankful that we established early on that off course me being ill is a burden on the entire family. I to this day still remember the sensation having just been discharged from the hospital. One of the longer in stay treatments, Kristian told to take a cab home, and by practical brain somehow how transferred that into; pick up meds on you way home, take the bus. Beside my hospital stay bag (you gather things in 8 weeks), I suddenly found myself dragging 2 big shoppingbags of medicine and survival supplies. (I gad to weigh in everything upon my safely return home, 8 kg per bag of medicine and then the clothing bag. Nearly 20 kg). To this day, I still have no idea how, I got home. I made my way to the bus and remember thinking, this is it either I will drop or or I will make it. Sitting on the bus listening to Journeys “Don’t Stop Believing” That was the first time the ‘forbidden’ thoughts crossed my mind. It would be so easy just to let go... But I remember stopping off at the hospital church before departure striking a deal. This is it, either I get home in one piece and then my path has been chosen or it will be over, and that will solve a whole of trouble for everybody. I once told Kristian about this inner conflict of being a burden, an anchor slowly drowning everyone, and to this moment his answer still tears me up. Off course you are an anchor, but you’re our anchor and an anchor of gold, and we would not know what to do without you ❤️ The barenaked truth. No sugarcoating, no denying just the truth. So Monday here we come. Fever decreasing, coughing declining and even though I know steps is not an option, it is slowly getting better.❤️