9.th of March 2013.

 

Somehow I find it a lot easier to express myself in english when life seem at it hardest.

 

That goes for both writing and even thinking. Either it it just one of my small quirks or it it just my of putting a distance to life tumbeling down on me time after time.

 

Even tough it has been a while since I have been hospitalized ( knock on wood) I am having a hard time adjusting to life again.

Keeping able to get out of bed every day takes alll my stregth and a little more.

 

I am sad to miss important milestones in the lifes of the people I love. Birthdays, including my own, christening, hollidays... It is a long list!

 

 

Slowly I am clawing my way back to life, fighting of the heavy thouhts which keep holding me down, and fighting the lack of a normal temparture which seem to be my newest cross to bear, no energy and absolutely no stregth! 

 

Everyday is a battle!

 

Whilst figthing to keep up with the tasks everyday life throw at me, I feel a sligth sign of socially isolating myself. Life outside is so troublesome and hard, that it seem easier to just call it a quits.

 

But luckily that is not my nature, so the figth is still on.

 

Yesterday I was so lucky to get a cancellation at the miracle doctor with the magic hands. He could congirm what we already know namely that the Ying and Yang of my body is all messed up. Even before I told him about the missarable numbers for my D - vitamin status he said that my body had no sun inside! Which might explain the tempature of 34.6°.

I put my faith to him that he can helå me stay out of the hospital even though my genes are not as strong as those of some others. Something is just out of your control. Such as. Your genestructure!